2.2.2 Active Listening: Part 2

Once you understand the basics of active listening, the skills discussed below can be layered on to further enhance your ability to support the survivor.

Each of these skills require the advocate to have emotional awareness about when it’s culturally and contextually appropriate to use them.

Advocates often make mistakes. No advocate is perfect, so do your best to do no harm and support the advocate in a way that is present and authentic to you.

Express empathy: Survivors of sexual assault are crime victims, and it’s important for advocates to recognize that they may be having feelings that they do not normally experience. Acceptance is the foundation of empathy and happens when the advocate acknowledges the survivor’s feelings, situation and perspectives without any judgement, criticism or blame. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean agreement or approval; it simply means that you acknowledge what the survivor is sharing, especially when they are feeling strong emotions. Avoid summarizing what the survivor is sharing, and instead, simply acknowledge the emotions they are feeling.

Never tell a survivor that you understand how they feel–you do not. Every survivor is different.

Ask questions: Use your best judgement when asking questions, as questions should be asked only in service to the survivor and never in order to indulge your own sense of curiosity. Keep questions open-ended (so they can’t be answered with a yes or no answer), as this encourages the survivor to speak rather than feeling interrogated.

Paraphrase: Reflecting back to the survivor what they have said can show them that you are paying attention and that you are staying present with them. Use your best judgement as to when paraphrasing is appropriate. When you are finished, ask the survivor if you understood them correctly and give them a chance to clarify.

Affirm the survivor’s experience: Affirmations such as ‘You are strong’ and ‘You will get through this’ recognize a survivor’s strengths and can help build their confidence in their own resilience. However, you need to fully mean your affirmation and express it in a way that is appropriate to the survivor and their situation or you risk alienating them and making them feel further isolated and alone.