2.2.4.2 Alternatives to Crossing Boundaries
Sometimes, we forget our role as an advocate and need to redraw the boundaries.
Here are some things that you can say to the survivor to maintain good boundaries:
“You sound angry.”
“You sound upset.”
“You made the best decision you could in the moment.”
“This is not about me; it’s about empowering you to make the best decisions for yourself right now.”
“You are the one who can make the best decisions for yourself right now.”
“I am here to help and support you as you figure out the best way forward.”
“I understand that it can be scary to make a choice. You are the only one who can do this.”
“I am here to listen, help and support.”
“That is a really difficult situation to be in. I know because I have been in difficult situations.”
Remember: you are not a therapist or a counselor; your role is to listen to and to support the survivor through a crisis situation, not to help them with decades of problems and issues.
The survivor may attach to you, so you to need to draw boundaries. For example, if they insist that you are the only person who understands their situation, you may need to remind them that there are many qualified service providers who can help and support them.
After supporting a survivor, it’s normal to think back and wonder if you helped them to the best of your ability. You may want to follow up with them, but do not reach out.
Allow them to make the decision about whether to reach out or not.
Especially if the case has been difficult, it can be helpful to talk things over with your organization, other advocates or a counselor (without breaking confidentiality).
If you feel overwhelmed by supporting a survivor, it’s even more important to seek help.
Giving yourself professional psychological support for your work will help you to continue volunteering. Recognize your own limits, your stress levels and how you are triggered. If an unresolved issue from your own experiences surfaces, professional psychological support may enable you to address it in a healthy and appropriate way.
Remember why you wanted to be an advocate in the first place and make a commitment to take care of yourself so that your work can thrive.
You should only volunteer when you are able to maintain strong personal boundaries.
A stressful life situation can make volunteering difficult. When this is the case, it’s always acceptable to take a break. The ‘Self-Care and Resiliency’ section has more information about how to care for yourself.