2.2.6.1 A: Achieving Contact

Say hello, introduce yourself and explain your role. Ask the survivor how you can best serve them.

Try to help them feel comfortable in starting the process of talking because it may be very difficult. Just because they contacted you doesn’t mean they’re ready to share, so you need to create a sense of safety for them. Let the survivor know you are listening and that you are there.

The first concern is always the physical safety of the caller.

If there are disturbing background noises or the person is in a physical state of alarm, address their physical safety first before you assess whatever else is going on. Make sure that the caller is not in physical danger or in need of emergency aid.

Background noise like television or children may also indicate that there is a lot happening around the person, and that may impact their ability to talk about difficult issues as well as your ability to understand what the caller is saying.

It’s important that the caller feels safe.

If they already sound anxious or upset and they start talking about what has happened, it may make them more nervous or they may start to cry. Their tone of voice may rise or they may speak faster.

You may need to help calm them down and perhaps tell them to pause for a minute, and not worry yet about telling you what’s happened. You might suggest they take some deep breaths with you, to help both you and the survivor calm down and relax.

If they need a moment to gather themselves, that is okay.

If the person starts to whisper or hangs up on you, it may mean they no longer have privacy. You do not want them to feel as if because they called you are now going to force them to talk about something that may not be appropriate to talk about right now.

Confidentiality helps to create a sense of trust and safety for the caller, so we want to ensure that confidentiality is respected.

This means that if the survivor tells you something, you need to keep it confidential. Mandated reporting means that you must report it to an authority, depending on the laws in your area, and it generally applies to suicidal tendencies or child abuse.

Because you are only hearing verbal cues, practicing active listening becomes even more important in order to show that you are paying attention.

If you notice yourself getting distracted during the call, sit up or move locations so that you can focus completely on what the caller is saying. Holding a listening posture, even though the caller can’t see you, will help with this, as will giving verbal cues such as ‘I hear you’ or ‘I see’.

Pay attention to what is not being said and to the tone of voice of the caller.

We need to listen for what’s really going on and be open to subtle cues.

It’s also helpful to validate the caller’s feelings and to assure them that calling was a good idea. Listening in this way helps the caller to identify emotions and encourage them to talk about something they may not have shared before. It also helps the caller to feel that they are in control of the call.

Remember that the conversation is about helping the caller, not you. You may experience strong emotions during the call and, while that’s okay, it’s not appropriate for you to communicate those emotions in any way to the caller.

Avoid making judgements about the caller, who may be doing things that you do not understand.

The call is about them and getting them the help and support that they need.

Often, callers’ stories will be difficult to understand, especially concerning the sequence of events. The caller may also give you excessive detail to try to help you understand what happened.

Let the caller tell their story without jumping to conclusions, and accompany them on their journey through this process.

If the caller tells you something you find hard to believe, because that is not your experience of the world, remember that everyone is different and validate their experience.

It can be frustrating to feel like the caller is rambling or telling a very long story, but do not lose focus as you never know when the caller will share something of key importance.

While we want to support the caller and offer referrals and help, we do not want to get so caught up in sharing information that we lose our connection with the caller.

Avoid thinking you can fix the situation, that you know more than the caller or that you have all the answers, all of which can make the caller feel inferior and wonder why they called.

Fear can impact our ability to listen because we are afraid of saying the wrong thing.

If you have these fears, it’s important to talk to someone about them and to make sure that offering this kind of support is something that you really want to do. It’s important to put these feelings aside and to be completely present for the caller.